The idea and the title for the series, 40 Something, With Cats, came from something a psychologist said in a documentary. She had referred to single women in their 40’s, women like me, in such a way as to suggest that we were somehow pathetic and sad; members of a lonely, fringe society that needed its own name. It made me angry and I wanted to dismiss her commentary as bias or ageism, but I couldn’t and I was forced to take a closer look at myself, my life, how I lived, how I felt about all of it, and how I thought others felt about it.
I decided it was time to turn the camera on myself to more fully explore the moments in my life that I felt epitomized the sentiment behind the title. I often feel like a clown around other people, and this is the feeling behind the central character in the series, but I had never before examined what feeling like a clown might actually mean. What really surprised me was how tragic these moments looked. I had always been comfortable in my strange little life and have never seen it as sad, but there it was; all this tragic sadness telling me it might be time for a change.
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